21 Lessons Bethenny Frankel Wishes She Could Tell Her College Self
“Stress is contagious. You stress other people out when you’re stressed.”
Bethenny Frankel is inventing her latest supermodel snack on our Zoom call. The 55-year-old mogul is sipping an iced coffee in her NYC apartment, and as we’re chatting, she has the bright idea to add a spoonful of Yasso’s coffee chocolate-chip frozen Greek yogurt to her bev. “By the way, this is very good,” she tells me 15 minutes later. “The little chips are sort of melting on the bottom, so they’re coming up through the straw. I just put in like a tablespoon of it, but this could replace coffee creamer.”
Frankel would know about creative food hacks — she regularly posts on TikTok about her unique snack ideas, along with her travels, skin care tips, and reality-TV hot takes. Her Yasso partnership is just Frankel’s latest quest to put the girlies onto brands she loves. The Real Housewives of New York City alum has found a new audience among her Gen Z followers — something she never expected but is happy to embrace. “It’s crazy. It’s such a beautiful thing that happened,” she says. “Maybe that generation likes people who are real or wants to feel like they aren’t being lied to.”
She quickly quips that plenty of people would argue the opposite (like, perhaps, some folks from her reality-TV days). “I have other people that dedicate their lives to hating me. What they don’t get is that it’s a greater road to success than even the lovers. The people that hate you watch twice as long. It’s flattering to be hated so deeply and intensely.”
Though she may hold this perspective now, Frankel hasn’t always been able to brush off her critics so easily. Below, she shares everything she wishes she could tell her 21-year-old self when she was living in a studio apartment in New York City, attending New York University, and working retail, paycheck to paycheck.
On Nutrition
Don’t think of nutrition in terms of extremes. I used to be so obsessive — eating, feeling bad, drinking, and then screwing up my metabolism by doing the opposite. Food is not your best friend or your enemy.
On Working Out
Same with exercise — don’t get into a cycle of working out a ton and then doing nothing for a while. Everything doesn’t have to be extreme.
There’s no cheating age; you just have to do the best you can.
On Self-Care
Consistency is key when it comes to self-care. In my 20s and 30s, I’d go to a spa once and think that was going to take care of me for the next six months. Wash your skin regularly, put sun protection on, sleep, and realize the value of hydration. Don’t rush it all in one day.
On Beauty
Beauty is the same as it ever was, with more gimmicks and more marketing. We could all still be using Vaseline to get our makeup off, or just wash it off with soap and water.
On Aging
There’s no cheating age; you just have to do the best you can.
On Timing
You’re young and still have so much time!
On Perspective
The world can be very mean and challenging, but it’s a matter of circumstances. I’m thinking specifically about the women I was on a show with — they acted a certain way because of that environment, not because that’s necessarily who they are. Now I interact with them differently and am more forgiving about things.
Friendships are a quality versus quantity game.
On Reframing Negativity
If someone is rude or ignorant or a troll, it’s because of how they were raised or the fact that they’re unhappy.
On Wisdom
I wish I knew that I’m as smart as I thought I was. Now I have institutional knowledge to realize I do know a thing or two, but I didn’t know that then.
On Career
I also didn’t know I could have this career or be an entrepreneur. I just wanted to have a job and be able to pay my rent — I can’t believe I have this.
On Success
It’s really hard to be successful, and anyone who pretends it’s easy is BSing. Don’t get me wrong — people who are successful are in rare air, and I’m a privileged woman. I just wish I knew that it was harder than it looked.
On How To Treat Others
Be tough but fair, and try to be kind when possible.
On Balance
Balance is everything. It’s a skill that takes practice and requires constant self-regulation.
There’s always tomorrow, and things can be corrected.
On Listening To Your Needs
Your nervous system is really important, so keep it regulated. It affects all areas of your life.
On Stress
Stress is contagious. You stress other people out when you’re stressed.
On Friendship
Friendships are a quality versus quantity game. I have plenty of people who I like, but not that many ride-or-dies. If you have 20 girlfriends at your bridal party, go with God. That’s not me.
On Trust
It’s good to nurture your relationships and be positive, but you’re probably not going to know these people the rest of your life. Take that with a grain of salt and don't trust everyone.
On Communication
It’s so important to actually communicate. Now more than ever, we see people are really set in their ways instead of exploring other people’s perspectives.
On Making Mistakes
When you’re young, everything feels much more permanent than it is. There’s always tomorrow, and things can be corrected.
On Dating
The stakes aren’t that high in dating yet, but it can be good practice to establish good habits to never accept less than you deserve.
On Confidence
Having confidence will take you far.
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
