Carole Radziwill Shares The Life Lessons She Wishes She’d Known At 21

Carole Radziwill knew two important things at age 21: She wanted to live in New York City, and she wanted to be a journalist. Soon, she’d watch the Challenger space shuttle explosion on TV, and those feelings would only get stronger. She remembers being glued to the screen as she learned about the disaster in real time. “I said, ‘Oh, I want to be where things happen. I want to see the world and report on things,’” she recalls. “It clicked at that moment.” But with no direct industry connections (just a lot of gumption), she had to push extra hard to get her shot. “I would tell people I wanted to be a journalist and work at ABC News, and there was a lot of, ‘Who do you think you are?’”

Fast-forward four decades, and no one is asking Radziwill that question anymore. The 63-year-old bestselling author has earned three Emmys, a Peabody award, and a GLAAD Award for her work in journalism, and is also known as the star of The Real Housewives of New York City from Seasons 5 through 10. Now, she’s returning for Season 16, which premieres on Bravo on Sept. 8, with episodes streaming next day on Peacock. It’s a homecoming of sorts for Radziwill, and proof that she built the career in New York she could have only dreamed about back when she was an English literature major at Hunter College. “I thought, ‘Whatever I end up doing with my life, I know it's going to happen in this city,’” Radziwill says.

Below, the 21 things she'd go back and tell herself at 21, from the money move she still regrets to the one dating rule she’d tattoo on you if she could.

On Establishing Your Career

Don’t just take your first job out of college at a bank. You’ll get used to it and normalize it, so you’ll start thinking somehow that it’s what you want to do. Then you find yourself 10 years later, middle management at some banking institution and you're like, “What the f*ck happened?” Take your time, and if you have a passion, laser focus on it.

On Knowing Your Worth

Learn what your boundaries are, and don't let people cross them.

On Silencing The Noise

Do not listen to the chatter of people whose lives you would not like to emulate.

On Relationships

Have a college boyfriend, but then break up with him when you graduate.

Your boyfriend should be a little more obsessed with you than you are with him.

On Dating

Date a lot, and learn what you like and don’t like.

On Standing Out

Don’t do what everyone else is doing because everyone else is doing it.

On Prioritizing Yourself

You have to be the center of your life. If you’re focusing on, “What do I want?” then you don't care if some dude doesn't text you back in two hours, because you're already out with your friends enjoying your night. You're not waiting around because you are the center, and you're not peripheral to some dude who can't get his sh*t together.

On Balance

Your boyfriend should be a little more obsessed with you than you are with him. Be the black cat to his golden retriever.

On Letting Go

Do not end up in the epilogue of your relationship. Know when something is over, and don’t continue. I think a lot of people know in their hearts where the ending of the story is, and for a whole host of reasons, they don't want the story to end there, but it has to end at its natural ending.

On Mindset

Your thoughts become words, your words become actions. And what you think about is what you become.

On Rebranding Situationships

Call a “situationship” or “friends with benefits” a love affair — it’s much more romantic. I don't even mind a one-night stand because that's kind of hot and sexy, but if you see them again, you’re entering into a love affair situation.

On Reframing Breakups

If you break up with a guy and you’re heartbroken, try to focus on the bad stuff about the relationship. Don't romanticize the few times that he stepped up, and always remember he’s someone else's ex-boyfriend.

On Being A Girls’ Girl

Our society pits women against each other in every aspect of life, from business to romance. Women drive this economy, they sell magazines, they sell newspapers, and people are more interested in women’s stories. Try to resist the urge to vilify them.

On “Hey, Girlie” DMs

I just learned about the “hey girlie” text movement, and I fully support it. Keep up the trend of young girls joining forces instead of immediately seeing the other woman as the problem.

Life actually gets better with age, because you start to really understand your power.

On Musical Hobbies

If you play an instrument, don’t quit. When you're in your 40s or 50s, all of your party guests are going to love that you play the flute or piano.

On Foreign Language Skills

If you took a foreign language in high school or college, keep taking lessons. I promise you. In romantic relationships, in travel, in your everyday life — it’s super hot, and it’s useful.

On Investing

Invest $1,000 in a little-known company. I wish I could tell my past self, “There's going to be this company called Apple. I know it's a weird name, and they're going to make weird-looking computers, some of which are orange and blue. Don't worry about that. Just buy the stock.”

On Saving Money

Learn about compounding interest. Take $50 a week or whatever you can afford, and put it in some account that has a password that you don't remember. Put it somewhere for 20 years, then go to that fund when you're in your 40s and say, “I don't remember the password,” and prove everything to them. Then you’ll get into that account, and it’s a bunch of millions.

On Planning Ahead

Freeze your eggs, because I understand that pressure that comes in your late 20s when you're like, “I want a family.” It takes the pressure off.

On Aging

This idea that your life is over at 40 is not true. Life actually gets better with age, because you start to really understand your power.

On Taking It Slow

You’re so young, and you still have plenty of time.

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.