This TikToker Taught Me How To Get On Top During Sex

Nice to meet you, I’m a Pillow Princess. You know, the person who lays down comfortably during sex, providing motivational moans while the other person breaks a sweat actually putting in the work. I always told myself I was a Pillow Princess because I liked being submissive (and TBH, lazy). But recently, my boyfriend suggested we switch up our positions and give me some air time in the driver’s seat. I got up there, completely froze up, and was faced with the truth: I’m just not confident being on top — despite how much I wish I was.

Blow jobs? No problem. Call Her Daddy taught me how to master the Gluck Gluck 9000. Dirty talk? Also no problem — the assertive women in my life taught me how to articulate exactly what I want. But there’s something about being on top that has always felt daunting: What am I supposed to be doing? How do I know if it feels good for both of us? And how does my boyfriend do this for so long without getting tired?

I began to think it was a lost cause for me until I discovered Angel Ardito on TikTok, a creator with 1 million followers and many viral videos teaching people how to fulfill their cowgirl dreams. These detailed — and fully-clothed — tutorials take place on top of beds, on the side of couches, in the car, and always with creative TikTok-friendly words like “seggsy” and “an@l.” Her TikToks made getting on top feel accessible, and I hoped that with her tips in my back pocket, I could find my confidence as a cowgirl.

My Cowgirl Core Journey Begins

Before embarking on this journey, I had the privilege of chatting with Ardito, who is also a talented pole dancer and twerk teacher. Her number one advice for mastering the cowgirl position? Practice, practice, practice. “None of us can expect to be confident and talented on top without putting in some work,” she tells me.

So, I dove into her TikTok videos and studied them as my sexual bible. In these helpful clips, she demonstrates different positions, teaches the art of grinding and hip-popping, and even gives specific suggestions for beginners (hi, that’s me). Per her advice, I decided I would start with the one-legged approach, where you switch off having one leg propped up, rather than bouncing off of both. It’s a key move for newbies whose thighs are prone to getting tired (also me).

I spent a solid afternoon rehearsing the position on a pillow before it was time for my first exam in cowgirl core — aka, my boyfriend John* was coming over. I pulled out Ardito’s one-legged move, asking John to support my hips when I began to get tired, per her suggestion. I found it semi-enjoyable, but I was too focused on what I was doing to really let go and sink into the feeling.

Flash forward to my second attempt a few days later. While this next position was more difficult to practice on my own, I came prepared with a video of the trickier — and spicier — move: Ardito’s side of the couch approach, where your partner sits on the edge of a surface as you contort your body forward, strapping your legs on the couch and reaching your hands to the floor. I honestly felt like a sexy Spiderman.

This time around, I also came armed with Ardito’s tips for staying in the moment. “Close your eyes if you need to, and move your body however feels good for you,” she says. “Your partner is in the moment, and you should be allowed that luxury, too.”

The sex felt good, John hyped me up like no other, and Ardito’s tips gave me confidence that I was doing it right. But if I was being honest with myself, I was still just waiting for my turn to end. On top, I was very aware of the fact that I was the one responsible for creating the pleasure — and I hated that responsibility. But I wanted to be able to feel empowered while in the driver’s seat, so I kept trying.

An Unexpected Takeaway

I initially thought I liked being a Pillow Princess because I didn’t feel confident on top. But after working on the physical skills with Ardito’s guidance, I’ve realized it’s because I didn’t feel comfortable putting my own pleasure first and being in control.

“There is a huge misconception that sex is something that happens to a woman,” Ardito says. “Women are so used to being the one who is acted on, and as humans, we tend to fall into and accept these patterns because we find comfort in what we know.”

My sex with John is nothing short of amazing (believe me, someone cooked here), but it has always felt more natural for me to be the recipient rather than the initiator. Not just because there’s a sexy element in being submissive, but because him being in control more often guarantees his enjoyment — something that I’ve been prone to overthink.

When discussing why women may feel less comfortable on top, Ardito says, “As women, we are taught that a man’s pleasure is paramount in the bedroom. We tend to disregard our own desires in order to try and meet our partner's needs first, and usually, that leaves us feeling less liberated.”

One More Try, With A New Mindset

The next time I entered my cowgirl era, I tried a new approach: to disregard my sweet and loving boyfriend entirely. Instead, I would follow the one piece of advice Ardito gave me that I originally overlooked: “My overarching message to anyone who’s struggling on top would be to really focus on your pleasure for once. Move your body however feels good for you.”

A few awkward queefs and spicy spanks later, I was starting to get the hang of it. I knew what yummy sex felt like for me when John was in the driver’s seat, but I felt like I was starting from scratch when the roles were reversed. And to be quite honest, I’m still learning.

I confessed to John recently that despite my best efforts, I still find myself gravitating towards positions where I’m on the bottom. In response, he suggested that every time we have sex, I try to get on top, even just for 30 seconds. We’ve used that method a few times now, and it’s working wonders as a kinky exposure therapy. Slowly but surely, I’m starting to feel more confident, more comfortable, and more in tune with my own pleasure.

So, while I may always be a Pillow Princess at heart, 30 seconds at a time, I’m learning to be a cowgirl, too.

*Name was changed.