I Planned My Breakup Around The Release Of Taylor Swift’s Midnights

Many people listen to Taylor Swift to help them get over their long list of ex-lovers — myself included. Swift’s music has played a major role in all of my heartbreaks. When my first boyfriend broke up with me over text, I sobbed as I listened to “Last Kiss,” thinking I’d never find someone to love me. Twelve years later, her music inspired me to take things one step further: I planned a breakup around the release of Midnights, a decision that changed my life for the better.

Let me take you back in time to October 2022, right before the world was introduced to Swift’s 10th studio album. After being with my then-boyfriend for almost two years, I had come to the realization that we weren’t as compatible as I’d once thought. To put it simply, he was sunshine, I was midnight rain; he wanted a bride, and I was making my own name. While our relationship was healthy and fun, we had clashing communication styles and very different ideas for our futures.

I’ve also always been a believer that you have to go through two major heartbreaks in your life — one where you get your heart broken, and one where you do the heart-breaking. This may sound heartless, but about six months prior, I had an epiphany that I was meant to break his heart. Still, I was comfortable with him, and it took me a long time to take the leap. Ultimately, it was Swift who gave me the courage to set the split in motion.

I was no longer in the lavender haze — that lovey-dovey feeling had died, and there was no rekindling it.

Two weeks before the release of Midnights, the singer began dropping Easter eggs on Instagram about the song titles. Her video describing the idea behind “Lavender Haze” struck a chord. “Lavender haze was a common phrase used in the ‘50s where they would just describe being in love,” Swift said. “If you were in the lavender haze, that meant that you were in that all-encompassing love glow.” Hearing her say that was like a lightning strike. I was no longer in the lavender haze — that lovey-dovey feeling had died, and there was no rekindling it.

I spent the next seven days drafting a six-page breakup letter to my boyfriend, making it a point to pen that “the lavender haze had faded.” I gave him the letter one week before Midnights dropped.

While using that phrase was a graceful way to express how I was feeling, I’d be lying if I said there weren’t also some selfish undertones to this plan. The term “lavender haze” was about to be everywhere, and I knew any time it was mentioned or the song was played, he’d have no choice but to think of me. Even though I was no longer going to be a part of his life, I wasn’t about to be erased so easily. (I’m the problem, it’s me.)

Reading my letter, my now-ex showed more emotion than at any point during our two years together. His reaction reassured me that I had made the right decision to end things, even though he continuously asked if I was firm in my decision. He made it clear that he would never, ever get back together with me (like ever) once it was over. (Dramatic, but OK.) I queued up “Clean” as I left his apartment. That was the last time I ever saw him, and I haven’t heard from him since. To my knowledge, he never registered the Swift lyric in my letter.

Fast-forward a week to when the long-awaited album finally dropped. After all, the lavender haze reference wasn’t the only reason I timed the breakup like I did. I hoped the release of Midnights would help me usher in a new era of freedom — one where I’d be able to rediscover myself and fully fall in love with me.

On the evening of Oct. 20, I was nursing my fresh heartache, cuddled up in bed as I anxiously waited for the clock to strike 12. I was enamored with Midnights from the first song, which just so happened to be “Lavender Haze.” “Midnight Rain” particularly hit the mark. I wasn’t the same person as I was at the start of the relationship — all of me changed like midnight. Hearing it gave me a sense of closure: I knew staying with him would’ve held me back and prevented both of us from finding what we needed.

As the weeks wore on, I realized I missed sparkling more than I could ever miss him.

As a whole, Midnights helped bring my glittering personality back to life. The album became my therapy and I listened to it constantly. (I mean that literally — I had it playing on a loop and racked up 800 plays in the first month.) Did I miss my ex for the first few weeks? Sure, but blasting this album, surrounding myself with my best friends, and revisiting old hobbies made me feel like myself again. As the weeks wore on, I realized I missed sparkling more than I could ever miss him.

I don’t think I’d be half as confident or happy as I am today if it hadn’t been for Swift. I’ve learned many things from her, but one of the most meaningful is that everything you lose is a step you take — meaning that ending things is a pivotal step toward bigger and better adventures.

More than two years later, Midnights remains my all-time favorite Swift album. Anytime I’m feeling low — whether it be because of a boy or bad blood among friends — I press play on “Bejeweled,” remind myself that a diamond’s gotta shine, and carry on.