Unpacking The Swoony Appeal Of The Book Boyfriend

Alicia Foshay is a 26-year-old content creator who self-identifies as “boring and married.” But on any given week, Foshay might be dating a homicidal mafia boss. Then the next, it’s a sweet, aspiring woodworker from Montana. After that, she could have an affair with a loyal faerie warrior.

OK fine, the side pieces are fictional. But they still hold a very special place in Foshay’s heart.

“There are incredible men in real life; I’m married to one,” the Ontario-based BookToker and virtual book club host tells Elite Daily. “But I also have Book Boyfriends.”

Foshay is one of countless book lovers on TikTok who giggle and kick their feet over fictional men. The #BookBoyfriends hashtag — which has more than 840 million views and counting — is full of debates over which fictional man is the ultimate love interest, reactions to spicy love scenes, and videos of creators asking their real-life partners to recreate iconic Book Boyfriend behaviors like the wrist grab.

You don’t have to be a content creator to join in the swoony fun. If you’re still harboring a high school crush on Mr. Darcy, wish Edward Cullen would call you his own “personal brand of heroin,” or picture your next hookup having a scar over his left eye like Xaden Riorson from Fourth Wing, congratulations — you also have a Book Boyfriend.

The beauty of the Book Boyfriend is that there’s one for everyone, spanning genres, tastes, and interests. “You’ve got your golden retrievers, your himbos, your dangerous ones, your workplace enemies-to-lovers,” Foshay says. “I mean, some of my Book Boyfriends aren’t even human.”

And yet, there’s one key factor that makes every good Book Boyfriend so desirable (beyond their penchant for leaning against door frames and the muscle that pulses in their jaw when they’re angry): These men are not real people. They may have their own made-up thoughts, feelings, and plot points, but their purpose is to make us want to both jump their bones and kiss their forehead while they sleep. They’re flawed, but in ways that can be resolved in roughly 400 pages or less. Readers aren’t supposed to think of them as real men — in fact, they don’t want to. It would shatter the fantasy.

Book Boyfriends Are Endlessly (Read: Impossibly) Devoted

By sheer virtue of being fictional, the Book Boyfriend comes with an implicit sense of safety. “There’s something about him that feels risk-free,” Foshay says. “He’s likely written by a woman who knows what I’m going to want to hear.” Even when things get bad, the reader can feel confident that Book Boyfriend will turn things around and find a way to redeem himself.

And when things are good, the Book Boyfriend is good. If the protagonist is sick, he shows up with soup. If she’s horny, he knows exactly how to satisfy her. If she’s on a quest to save her small village from a terrible curse, he’ll slay the demons trying to steal her soul. He isn’t just perceptive to his love interest’s (and, by proxy, the reader’s) needs — he prioritizes fulfilling those needs over pretty much anything else.

For Los Angeles-based BookToker and romantasy lover Megan Anelons, Book Boyfriends provide a respite from a reality where women are conditioned to cater to men and the male gaze. “[We’re told] ‘Make sure you look good for them and make sure you get their attention,’” Anelons, 26, tells Elite Daily. “It’s a big part of why women are so attracted to [Book Boyfriends]; they get a break from that.”

Readers Can Emotionally Connect With Them

Much like a real-life man, a good Book Boyfriend has complex emotions that aren’t always easy to express. The difference is, unlike your most recent situationship, your Book Boyfriend will ultimately be able to overcome his obstacles and bare his soul to the one he loves. Even when he isn’t saying exactly how he feels, if the story is written from his POV, you can quite literally read his thoughts — something you can’t do with an actual man, no matter how desperately you may want to.

For Anelons, it’s refreshing to see men in books being openly emotional. “I wish I saw men in real life be more vulnerable and comfortable talking about feelings,” she says. “Unfortunately in the real world, for men in their 20s, that’s not super common.”

Of course, real-life men don’t have a professional wordsmith to help them express themselves — but Book Boyfriends quite literally have a script to rely on. “When Emily Henry wrote [in Beach Read] ‘When I watch you sleep, I get overwhelmed that you exist’ — oh, my God, I think about it all the time,” Anelons says.

They Don’t Give The Ick Like IRL Men Do — Even When They Should

What works on the page doesn’t always translate (e.g., if a real-life Augustus Everett told you he watched you sleep, you’d more likely give him side-eye than swoon). In fact, there are many stereotypical Book Boyfriend behaviors that would not fly IRL.

“I don’t want a man growling at me,” Foshay says, referencing the primal noise made by many a Book Boyfriend in a moment of anger or passion. “I will call law enforcement if you growl at me.”

Anelons adds, “If he’s jealous because she’s talking to somebody, I’m loving the conflict of that … but in real life, it’s a much bigger problem.” Ditto for asking you to “cover up” if you’re wearing a “revealing” outfit or breaking down your door when you haven’t responded to his texts — real men better know to do less.

Many readers are willing to forgive Book Boyfriends for their less desirable actions not just because they’re suspending disbelief, but also because the story provides insight into their motivations. For example, if a man were silently staring daggers at you, you would probably sashay away and never look back. However, if a character did that in a book, readers may discover it was because he was too stunned by the protagonist’s beauty to form words, or he was fighting an intense desire to drink her blood.

“In books, you basically are the character,” Montreal-based romance BookToker Salma (who prefers to keep her last name private), 25, tells Elite Daily. “And I think that allows us to be like, ‘Whatever they’re doing is OK, because there is a purpose to it.’”

It’s not always that Book Boyfriends are hot despite some of the questionable things they do — sometimes, they’re hot because of them. Salma shares an example: “I love a stalker romance … But in real life, I don’t want one.” (For the record, she clarifies, “I want you to be obsessed with me, but not in that way.”)

Foshay recalls reading a steamy scene with a protagonist who didn’t give consent. “This guy slammed her up against the wall and had his way with her,” she says. “She’d never known she wanted that … and she was so into it.” The scene works because “the author knows what both partners are cool with,” Foshay says — in other words, the main character’s consent is implicit, even if the man doesn’t necessarily know it in the moment.

This is definitively not how things work in the real world. But Book Boyfriends give readers the chance to explore their curiosities, live out their fantasies, and test out the things that would normally turn them off or endanger them. You can get the thrill of dating the people you’d never want to date in real life, if only in your head.

“I think that’s why we’re so OK with certain things fictional men do, because we are in a place of safety,” Salma says. When you’re reading about a fictional world, the knowledge that it’s fictional keeps you at a safe distance from whatever’s going on in it. Plus, you can choose your subject matter — after all, no one is making you read dark academia smut. So, if things get too intense or veer into territory you’re not comfortable with, you can just close the book.

(Real) Boys, Take Notes

Clearly, readers don’t expect real-life men to model all their behaviors after BookTok’s favorite reads. (And if they do, please keep them away from K.A. Knight’s reverse-harem romance Den of Vipers — sorry, but no one should be putting knives where Diesel put his knife.) But could men stand to learn a few things from Book Boyfriends? Absolutely.

“For me, it’s not always the spicy stuff,” Foshay says. “It’s the little things like the way he looks at you, the way he remembers little details. The Book Boyfriends are doing it unprompted.”

And in case any boys need a bit more guidance, Anelons adds: “I want somebody to understand me. I think that’s what we all want.” That, and any man written by Emily Henry.